


Wayward Sons

by headrush100



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel Wings, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Aziraphale (Good Omens), Dubious Consent, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Frivolous Miracles, Historical and Present Day Scotland, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Minor Character Death, My First Work in This Fandom, Protective!Crowley, Scottish Highlands, doctoring!aziraphale, snowstorm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 11:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21337756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headrush100/pseuds/headrush100
Summary: Seth could really use a miracle before it's too late.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story began life at the beginning of a holiday in Scotland. I bought a spiral notebook in the supermarket and just could. not. stop. It was supposed to be short and sweet, but grew into something much more complex. I hope you enjoy it! There are mentions of dubious consent which took place in the past, and of minor OC death, just so you're aware.

The Scottish Highlands, 1796.

The scent of peat smoke reminded him he was home safe.

Seth perched on the old wooden chair in front of the fire Mam had made in the kitchen hearth. A thick woollen blanket was wrapped around him. He was naked under it; warm and dry and sleepy now. He wiggled his toes, and then his feet, which were happily submerged in a wooden bucket of steaming water, filled from the old iron kettle. He felt the kiss of the water lapping round his ankles, like softly tickling bracelets. Mam was a dim shape bustling about in the shadows of the oil lamps.

‘Did I not tell you to stay away from there?’ she said, as he’d known she would. She was trying to sound angry, but undermined herself by putting a cup of hot whitecurrant cordial and a bowl of thick potato soup on the table beside him.

‘Sorry, Mam.’ He ate slowly, relishing each bite of his mother’s cooking while the gale howled around their tiny stone cottage. Just him and Mam in their own little world.

She rubbed a cloth over his damp hair. ‘You’ll be the death of us both, son.’ She paused, regarding him closely. ‘You’re still trembling. Will you not tell me what happened?’

He put down his spoon, his appetite disappearing. ‘I saw him.’ His teeth were chattering again. ‘Da. He came after me again.’

She put the cloth down. ‘Your father? I thought we’d settled that.’ 

Her eyes were wide. Looking into them, he could only see flames from the fire reflected back at him.

‘Is that what happened to your back?’

He nodded.

‘He beat you?’

‘Aye.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I wouldn’t…’ his throat was closing up, ‘show him, when he told me to. My… ye ken. I told him I’ll never be like him. He said I was an insolent half-bred little shit and I probably couldn’t manifest them anyway.’

Jaw clenched, she nodded. ‘Perhaps it’s just as well that he thinks so.’

‘He wanted me to bring him to you. I wouldn’t do it! I’d never! Never! He grabbed me and I fought him; I gouged his eyes and kicked his balls. I shouted at him to leave us alone, and I ran.’

Her eyes flicked to the door. ‘Did he not follow?’

‘I dinna ken. I came back through the trees to try and confuse him.’

Her expression darkened. ‘I’m not having this. I can’t be dreading that you’ll be taken every time you set foot outside.’ She stood up and went to the corner by the door where her shawl hung on a peg. She took it down, wrapped it around her shoulders and fastened it with a pin, then did the same with her winter cloak.

He felt ill. ‘What are you doing?’

‘I’m going to tell your father he’s not to trouble you again.’

He shot to his feet, nearly tripping over the bucket. ‘It won’t make any difference! He hates us! He hates that I’m not like him. He wants to take me away. The bigger I grow, the worse he is!’

‘So he is, and it ends now!’ she spat. She sighed, her shoulders slumping a little. Her soft hands cupped his face and she looked deeply into his eyes so he could feel all the love she had for him. She pulled him into an embrace, and stroked his tangled black hair. ‘Hide yourself. If I don’t come home, don’t follow after me. Wait until daybreak and go to your granny’s. Be brave, and kind, and good. Keep up your studies. And always and forever remember how much your Mam loves you.’

He shook his head, desperately trying to think of the words that would make her stay, but she never listened, once her mind was made up. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as she kissed them, both left and right, and combed her fingers through his hair one last time.

‘Mammy, don’t go,’ he cried, barely able to breathe, to squeak the words out. ‘I’ll go! I’m the one he wants!’

She rounded on him, all flash and fierceness, squeezing his wrists hard enough to hurt. ‘You will do no such thing! You’ve the heart of a lion, but you’re a wee boy. You mind me, Seth! If you don’t, this will all be for nothing!’ She gave him a little shove backwards. ‘I love you.’ She opened the door and the wild wind gusted in, extinguishing the lamps and plunging their little world into darkness. ‘Mind you bolt the door behind me.’

She dipped a torch in the hearth to light it, and stepped out into the night. Seth slid the heavy bolt across, but after a minute, he pulled it back and peeked out, just enough to see his mother’s flapping skirts disappearing into the storm. Then he saw it; the gleam of light in the distance, and he began to shake. 

His mother came to a stop before she reached his father, keeping a wary distance. They seemed to be shouting at one another over the roar of the gale. His mother suddenly proceeded forward, determination in every aspect of her bearing. They argued, and he advanced on her. She thrust the torch towards him, sparks flying. His father laughed, until her next blow connected solidly, setting his fine coat alight. He waved his hand, and flames were extinguished. He stepped towards her, and fire whirled through the air as she swung the torch, connecting again, sending him staggering back.

His father extended a hand. His mother collapsed into the mud, and did not get up again. The light sputtered and died.

Watching from the cottage doorway, Seth screamed. The blanket fell from his shoulders, and he ran naked into the storm, wild with grief and fury.

His father had bent over Mam’s body, but straightened when he saw the crazed, screaming boy pelting towards him, his normally so composed features twisted in shock and confusion. He stepped over Mam’s body as though she were a sack of oats, and beckoned sharply.

Seth skidded to a halt, sobbing and choking on emotion, wondering if there was any way an unarmed nine year old boy could kill a grown man who wasn’t even a man. His wings battered him from the inside as though they would explode right out of his skin, and the pain brought him to his knees in a deep puddle.

His father stepped closer, extending a hand.

Seth scrambled back.

His father looked down at him, seemingly at a loss for words.

‘How could you?’ Seth choked out. ‘I hate you! I hate you!’

‘Come with me,’ his father said. 

‘Was that your plan all along! Kill Mam so I’d have to go with you? I’ll never, do you hear me?’

‘I’m not asking you, Seth, I’m telling you. There’s nothing for you here.’

‘That’s not true! I have Granny!’ As soon as he said it, he knew it was a mistake. His grandmother would be next. He had to warn her. He struggled to his feet, and began to run.

As he squelched and slid over the soggy tumps of grass and sharp rocks, a malevolent presence wormed into his mind, draining away his anger, and worse, the love that sustained him. He wondered why he should want to stay when he could have so much more. Be so much more. Inside his back was a wild fluttering that quickly grew agonising.

‘Get out of my head!’ he screamed to the wind. ‘Bastard! I’ll never be like you!’

***


	2. Chapter 2

Edinburgh, 1852.

When he was in his mid-thirties but didn’t look a day over twenty, people began to comment with wonder rather than admiration on how he never seemed to get any older. And after wonder, he was sure, his neighbours would move on to suspicion and fear, and he would be branded a witch, or a demon. Seth moved to Edinburgh, carrying on the blacksmith trade his uncle had taught him. Business became harder to come by in the middle of the nineteenth century, when factories soon began to turn out horseshoes, nails, hammers, and other daily necessities faster than he ever could. 

In the late eighteen forties, he became friendly with Mairi Robertson, a widow who’d turned to midwifery to support herself after her husband succumbed to cholera. She bought all manner of household necessities from him at a slightly higher price simply because she liked him and reassured him the quality of his wares was far superior to that of his larger competitors. In the years since her husband had died, they’d also grown fond of each other’s company, and to his great pleasure she had of late been taking to dropping by simply to pass the time of day, under the guise of browsing his latest cooking pots or garden forks.

One spring evening there came a wild hammering on his door, and he’d opened it to see her, wide-eyed and out of breath.

‘Mr Dunnet, have you any clean cloths?’

‘Good evening to you, too, Mrs Robertson.’

‘A woman is dying!’

He ran to the cupboard and grabbed the spare bed sheet. ‘Will this do?’

‘It’ll have to. Will you come with me? Mrs Foster won’t stop bleeding and we’ve nothing left to try and staunch the flow.’

‘She needs a doctor, not a blacksmith.’

‘There’s no time! Come on!’

Mrs Foster was one of his neighbours, also a cholera widow, who’d had eight children before her husband succumbed. He followed the midwife round the corner to one of the more notorious tenements and took the rotting stairs two at a time with no idea what he’d find or do when he got to the poor woman’s place.

What he found was eight filthy, terrified faces looking up at him as their mother bled out on the soaking straw mattress on the floor. He guessed none of them was older than twelve. 

‘What’s your mother’s name?’ he demanded of the eldest girl.

‘Rebecca.’

He nodded, and swept his arm towards the door. ‘Everybody out.’

When they didn’t move, he began to shove them, and Mrs Robertson helped to herd them onto the landing. He shut the door and eyed the woman, fading fast in dismal surroundings. Perhaps it would be kindest to let her go. Perhaps he would have no choice. It had been a long time.

He knelt beside the woman and touched her shoulder. ‘Rebecca?’ At first there was no response and it seemed he was too late, but finally her eyelids fluttered and opened a bit, then a bit more. 

She gazed on him in rapture, but tears spilled from her eyes. ‘Please don’t take me yet,’ she whispered.

He blinked, shocked. Truly she was nearly gone if she could see him for what he was. He took her freezing hands in his. ‘Rebecca, do you want to live?’

From outside the door there came a thin wail of despair from one, and then several, of the younger children, and the hiccupping cry of a newborn infant.

She smiled in response. The strength of her desire to stay was palpable.

‘All right, love,’ he said, quietly, praying heaven wouldn’t notice what he was about to do. ‘Close your eyes.’

***

‘I don’t know what you did,’ said Mairi, as she had insisted he call her when they met on Grassmarket a few days later, ‘but thank you. Mrs Foster is making a most astonishing recovery.’

He shrugged. ‘Nothing to do with me, I’m sure. I suppose she happened to turn the corner when I got there.’

She gave him a curious look, and a secret sort of smile. ‘I don’t think so. But neither can I explain it, Mr Dunnet. I only know that Mrs Foster and her children are forever in your debt.’ She paused. ‘And I am very grateful too, for your kindness.’

He smiled. ‘Seth, please.’

She beamed. ‘Seth.’

And then, to his utter shock and delight, she shyly took hold of his arm. He warmed from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, and crooked his elbow, the better for her to hang on. 

He swallowed. ‘Well. This is very nice.’

She blushed, smiling. ‘Yes, most agreeable.’

They courted for a good six months, until one winter evening when they had both had a bit to drink and were sharing a blanket in front of the fire, her hand, hidden beneath the blanket, wandered over to find his thigh, and then, most unexpectedly, the front of his trousers. She squeezed. He jumped so fiercely, it made her laugh. He laughed as well, which helped him to get over the shock of the fact that not only had her hand returned to the same spot, but her nimble fingers had opened his trousers and slipped inside. He groaned and turned to kiss her, and it went, sweetly and wonderfully, on from there. The next morning they lay tangled in his bed, and as they were naked already, decided to indulge once, then twice more, this time with a delicious, sleepy languorousness until her soft cries in his ear and her fingernails in his back brought him to his own glorious release.

Afterwards, he made them boiled eggs and coffee for breakfast. They were hungry, and a little shy with each other, stealing occasional glances and smiles. She stayed until a bit after opening time; it wouldn’t do for her to be seen leaving his residence earlier. Reluctantly, he saw her to the door and watched her head off down the high street. She turned and grinned. He’d never seen her look so happy, so radiant, and suspected the look on his face was much the same. This wasn’t just the primal and fleeting pleasure of the sating of long-suppressed urges. This was so much more that it frightened him. It was something he never dreamed he could have, and really, he couldn’t have it, could he? When she was eighty, he wouldn’t look much older than he did today. He rubbed his stubbly chin self-consciously, and was turning to go back into the workshop when he saw a tall, black-haired man in a pale blue suit approach Mairi. Seth went cold. There was no doubt who it was. His father’s demeanour was furtive, and when he had spoken, Mairi cast a worried glance back towards the shop, then hurried off.

Seth closed the shop door, locked it for all the good it would do, and set his back hard against it, as though he could stop the panicked fluttering by applying pressure there, but it only began to burn between his shoulder blades. His heart was near exploding, and he was breathing hard. Why had that bastard turned up now? And what did he want with Mairi?

It took him several days to find out, as she seemed to be avoiding him. She didn’t come round that first night as she had promised, nor the next, nor the one after that. Finally he saw her in the market and managed to persuade her away from the main thoroughfare and down a narrow lane, the better to avoid the wagging tongues of the local busybodies, and the gaze of his father, if he was still around.

He glanced to the left and the right, ensuring they weren’t overheard. ‘I’ve missed you. I wondered if you were… all right.’ He felt his cheeks warming. ‘Afterwards.’

She blushed as well, but smiled with it. ‘Quite all right, thank you, Mr Dunnet.’

His heart soared as she smiled at the memory of their time together, then plummeted just as quickly. Reverting to formal address did not bode well. ‘Then…’

‘When I left you, a strange man approached me in the street. He said he’d seen me leave your shop, and he feared for my safety because he said it was well known in certain circles that you use some sort of… supernatural power… to seduce women.’

His eyes went wide. ‘What did he say?’ It came out with far more force and volume than he’d intended, and she flinched.

She glanced back to the top of the lane to ensure no one had heard him. ‘I didn’t believe him, of course. Ridiculous nonsense,’ she said, though something in her voice rang hollow.

He took a deep breath and admitted, ‘That man was my father. I saw him speaking with you.’

‘Your father?’ she said, with some alarm.

‘I’m afraid so. I haven’t seen him since I was a child. His wits were addled even then. He’s a compulsive liar. I don’t know why he’s chosen this moment to reappear, or why he wants to drive a wedge between us, but you mustn’t believe anything he says. Do you really suppose I’m capable of what he accuses me of? Some sort of fantastical supernatural seduction like something out of a penny dreadful?’ He was too much of a gentleman to remind her that if anyone had been seduced the other night, it had been him.

She smiled, but there was nervousness in it. ‘No, of course not.’ 

He relaxed slightly, reaching out to take her hands, but she pulled away, then looked guilty. 

‘Mairi, please. We’ve known one another for years; you’ve seen me as no one else has. Surely you know me better than that?’

She nodded. ‘Of course. It’s not you. There was something about him that chilled me to my bones. And now you say he’s your father…’

The back of his neck prickled at ‘you say’, at the suggestion that she was no longer sure if she could trust him, and he resolved to tell her as much of the truth as was possible. ‘I never see him. I’ve had nothing to do with him for years and years. I didn’t know he was here, and though he must know this is where I am, since he talked to you, he hasn’t come to see me.’

‘But how did he know that you and I know one another?’

Seth cursed his father for choosing this moment to reappear, just when the best thing that had ever happened to him was getting started. ‘I don’t know. He must have seen us talking.’ He shook off the repulsive thought that he might have observed them doing far more than that, from some damned celestial observatory.

She took a deep breath and seemed to make up her mind. She cast a glance up and down the lane. ‘Shall we give him something to see, then?’

Before he could reply, she had taken his face between her hands and pressed her lips to his. This time, he did pull back. Less for fear of his father than for her reputation. He clasped her hands in his, and this time she did not pull away. ‘Will you have some supper with me tonight?’ he said.

She smiled, her blue eyes twinkling. ‘Yes. Supper would be lovely.’

Her particular emphasis on the word ‘supper’ made it clear that food was not what was on the menu. He quashed the thought almost, but not quite, before his body could react. He kissed the back of her hand, and grinned. ‘Then I shall be counting the minutes until we meet again.’

‘As shall I, Mr Dunnet,’ she said, though this time the formality was spoken in jest. 

He watched her walk back up the lane to the high street. She turned to the left, and went out of sight. He let out a huge breath, and slumped back against the stone wall.

From the corner of his eye he saw a black flash and heard the clatter of a coach and four going full pelt, much faster than it should have been on such a busy street. Someone screamed, and he ran back up the lane.

The road was in a state of clamour and confusion, with market stalls in disarray and people everywhere exclaiming loudly, shouting down Grassmarket at the coach that was long past. And in the middle of it all, Mairi, on the ground. 

Seth’s heart lurched into his throat as he pushed his way through the throng and dropped to his knees beside her. This had to be his father’s doing. She pushed herself up painfully, and put her hat back on. 

In a small but forceful voice, she said, ‘Bloody man.’

He smiled. ‘I hope you don’t mean me.’

She smiled back. ‘No, never.’ Her smile faded as she looked down at her hands, which were scraped raw.

‘I’ll tend those for you. Have you any other pain?’ he said.

She shook her head. ‘Just my dignity, I think. But if I had stepped forward a moment sooner…’ she paled, and fainted into his arms.

***

He had taken her home and washed and bound her hands with clean strips of cloth. He made her a cup of tea, and stayed with her, chatting inconsequentially until her hands stopped shaking and her colour returned. They agreed to put their supper off until the next day. When it grew dark, he left her rooms and spoke to a neighbour, asking her to keep an eye on Mairi.

As he walked home, a great weight settled on his mind. His father had to be behind this. Was he so incensed that Mairi hadn’t been frightened off with words that he had turned to attempted murder? It was clear that his father was watching them. It was time to have it out with him, before he tried again and perhaps succeeded the next time.

Should he stop courting her? Could he justify the risk? Wasn’t it selfish of him to keep seeing her when he knew it was putting her in danger? If he and Mairi were to continue, he had to make it safe for them. The small but solid weight of his locket bounced against his breastbone, keeping time with his angry strides. His mother would have been pleased that he had found someone.

Instead of turning into his shop, he carried on walking down the steep High Street, and at the bottom turned right to make for the foothills of Arthur’s Seat. It was getting dark, and he was alone and out of earshot from any passers-by.

‘Come on, then!’ he shouted at the darkening sky. ‘Here I am! Come out and talk to me, you craven old devil!’ There came the old, dull thudding at his back, and he knew it would get worse before it got better.

The wind picked up, but it was the only sound.

He turned to face the other direction, and screamed into the strengthening gusts. ‘Why are you here? Why did you try to murder the woman I love? Why won’t you face me? Coward!’

He stayed there, screaming, his back burning, until his voice gave out.

No answer came.

He dropped to the ground and lay looking up at the scudding rain clouds, and he knew. It was because he’d used his power to save Rebecca Foster. Somehow, it had acted like a homing beacon. He would never use his power again. His father would never find him, or Mairi, again.

***


	3. Chapter 3

The Scottish Highlands, not so long after the Notpocalypse.

Seth could see nothing of the road ahead as it followed the high and winding foothills of Ben Hope. On the rare occasions that a vehicle whipped by, the headlights illuminated the horizontal sleet and disoriented him, making him feel like he was moving when he wasn’t. The air smelled like snow, and in all probability he would freeze to death. 

He, and everything he was carrying, was soaked. The stolid effort of putting one foot in front of the other up and down the hairpin turns, bracing against a fresh battering from the wind each time he rounded a corner, was no longer enough to stave off the numbness in his legs and arms. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath, and indulged in a dream of a warm, cosy nook in a friendly pub, and a kind person bringing him a huge mug of hot coffee and a steaming bowl of stew. 

He trudged up the next steep incline, nearly blind with the sleet and steam on his glasses, his gait uncertain. The shrieking of the wind was such that he heard the lorry rounding the corner behind him only just in time to hurl himself over the crash barrier as it roared past. There was a split second to register there was nothing on the other side but a near-vertical drop into the blackness where snowdrifts concealed swamps with sharp rocks and deep hollows carved from the last ice age. Lonely places his body could rest until spring. 

He flung out an arm, fingertips scrabbling, catching the ice-slick metal just in time but at a very wrong angle. An explosion of agony ripped through his left shoulder, back, and arm. He could neither move for the pain, nor let go of the base of the crash barrier for fear of tumbling down into the boulder-strewn abyss.

He lay with his face pressed into his wet sleeve and tried to breathe through his sobs, waiting for the pain to ebb. It didn’t. He tried to move, and retched. However, staying put wasn’t an option. He steeled himself and was able to use the barrier to pull himself up by increments using only his right arm, and slowly lifted his leg over the low fencing so that he was back on the road. He stood there cradling his arm, straining to see back the way he’d come, and then the way ahead. There was nothing but darkness in either direction.

This was it, wasn’t it. The nearest village was miles away, and snow was beginning to stick to the ice. It was slippery and crunchy underfoot. The way he felt, it wouldn’t be long till he passed out, and hypothermia would do the rest. He wondered if it really was just like going to sleep, and who would find him. Whether his father would be told. Whether he would see Mairi and Mam again.

Lost in thought, he didn’t hear the car roll up behind him. It was only when the headlights flashed that he spun round in surprise. Blinded by the high beams, he couldn’t see how many occupants there were, but the front doors opened and two men got out.

Something about the way they moved and glanced at one another made Seth take a step back. The road stretched on endlessly ahead. On his right was the tumbling slope down the brae. On his left, the sheer rock face, going up.

The shabby driver approached first, looking him up and down. He was in his sixties, with lank, grey hair and a scraggly beard. ‘Been in the wars, have ye, laddie.’

‘Just a bit cold.’

‘Dangerous to be out here on your own in a feckin’ blizzard.’ The tone suggested an explanation was expected.

‘Yeah,’ said Seth. He turned to go, but of course it wasn’t going to be that easy. 

The other man stepped forward. He was in his twenties, perhaps the other man’s son. He was built like a rugby player, but looked more like a bar brawler. ‘We’ll give you a lift. Here, I’ll take this for you.’ He grabbed hold of the backpack strap on Seth’s bad side, and pulled. 

Seth nearly passed out. 

‘Steady on,’ said the older one, catching Seth’s arm.

‘You hurt?’ said the younger one, his breathing deepening with interest.

‘No.’

The older one scowled at him. ‘You’re fair drookit; you’ll freeze your arse off, no joke.’

‘I said I’m fine.’ Seth took a few more steps before the younger one got in his way. 

‘Come on, it’s too feckin’ cold tae argue! Get in the car!’

There was a high pitched whining in his ears. The cold stung his face, but everything paled in comparison to the sickening pain in his arm, and the wild fluttering in his back. 

‘Got any cash on you?’ said the older one, clearly tired of playing with their prey. ‘Phone? Watch?’ He nodded to the younger one, who grabbed Seth by the scruff and propelled him backwards to the car, whirling him round and slamming him face-first over the bonnet with shocking violence. 

The pain faded into the background as he focused every bit of strength into containing the monstrous pressure in his back. A third man got out of the car. He landed a mighty blow over the epicentre of the pressure, and Seth let out a roar that made the men falter before they resumed roughly frisking him.

Someone grabbed the brass locket around his neck and yanked, snapping the worn leather cord. Panicked, Seth twisted and struck out with his good arm, feeling someone’s teeth give way under his knuckles. 

There was no time to see who had the locket before two, far more brutal, answering blows smashed into his face. Stunned, he fell to his knees, and if anything the light seemed to surround him from all sides as the ground rushed up to meet him.

***

He lay on a plate that spun crazily through space. His fingertips scraped at whatever was beneath them.

Snow and gravel crunched, growing louder as footsteps drew near, and stopped.

Warm hands tenderly pressed to either side of his face, cupping it in a way no one had in a very long time.

Seth flinched, chattering some sort of sound that fell far short of words.

Someone was speaking gently to him, but he couldn’t grasp the meaning, only sense the low, comforting tone.

The hands became careful fingers probing around his eyes. They moved down his shoulder, then slightly under it, where the vibration of the murmurs became lower and more troubled, frightening him.

He squirmed, fighting his helplessness and lack of understanding. A hand pressed against his forehead, the only point of warmth in his existence, and a kind but utterly authoritative voice rumbled from a very long way away.

‘Sleep now; there’s nothing to fear.’

Blessed oblivion rushed in, promising release. He desperately wanted to let go, and he did.

With his surrender, though, a subtle invasion began. For the first time since he was a child, another consciousness had entered his own, and this time he was already half under, utterly unable to resist or protect himself, though his back was on fire with the effort of trying. Behind his closed eyelids there flashed a sped-up film reel of his life that he couldn’t stop, and he knew it wasn’t playing for his benefit.

The presence faded like smoke in the wind. He thrashed his way back to waking and emerged as though from a nightmare. He flailed, struggling to sit up, to get into a more defensible position, but was swiftly overwhelmed and pressed back down, helpless and burning.

‘What’s happening? Why isn’t he toddling off to dreamland like a good little human?’

‘Because he isn’t one.’ There was a pause. ‘I think. I’m not sure.’

‘What?’

‘In a minute, Crowley.’

‘Well… Can we move him?’

‘Yes, but it’s going to hurt.’

‘Not as much as that black ice down the road is going to hurt those guys in the car.’

‘Crowley.’

‘Mmm.’

‘Focus.’

‘Right.’

‘We’ll have to do this the human way. Can you open the kit? I haven’t a free hand.’

‘In case you haven’t noticed, Angel, neither do I.’

‘You’re nearer.’

‘What do you want?’

‘That.’

‘That what?’

‘That! There!’

‘The needle?’

Panicked, Seth put all of his remaining strength into trying to throw them off, but his left arm was useless, and the men were incredibly strong.

‘For pity’s sake! I was trying to avoid saying it!’

‘Here. D’you know what to do with it?’

‘Yes, I’ve been in enough field hospitals. His sleeve’s too tight, I don’t know where to…’

Seth’s good wrist was shoved under someone’s shin for safekeeping, leaving the owner’s hands free to unbutton his jacket and pull his base layers up, exposing his bare stomach. Seth sobbed out a plea. A hand cupped his cheek for the smallest moment, and it seemed time stood still.

‘I’m so sorry. I’d no idea this would be so distressing for you.’

‘This’ll do, won’t it?’

Seth took a deep breath of icy air. Something wet brushed over his bare skin and the cold wind bit hard. There was a murmured apology, followed by the sharp pinch of a needle sliding in.

He tried to think what to do, but no thoughts came.

‘Well. Seems to’ve done the trick. Nice work, Angel.’

‘I simply don’t understa…’

***

A crackling fire.

Soft.

Warm.

Naked.

Blankets.

Move.

Pain. His shoulder and back were still burning as badly as ever, and his face was hot and throbbing. 

He tried to open his eyes, but everything remained dark. Instinct directed his hands to examine his eyes to work out why, but his left arm was useless. A hand gently came down on his twitching wrist.

‘I can’t see.’ Oh, God. His heart raced.

‘There, now. You’re quite safe,’ said a kind, male voice. ‘You were attacked, do you remember? Your shoulder is dislocated. I’m afraid your eyes are swollen shut for the time being.’ 

The voice was familiar, but he couldn’t place it. 

‘You were hit in the face a few times. I imagine it’s rather uncomfortable. Would you like a cool cloth on your eyes? It might help.’

He nodded, and heard the man get up and walk away, then a tap running. The footsteps returned.

‘Here we are,’ said the man, the mattress dipping as he sat, and it was hard not to sigh in relief as the soft, damp cloth was laid over his eyes.

‘Who are you?’ Seth croaked. ‘Where is this?’ They had obviously undressed him, and they would have seen his back. ‘Where are my clothes?’

‘My name is Aziraphale. I’m with, er, emergency services. We, er, that is, my partner Crowley and I, found you on the road by Ben Hope. We wanted to take you to the hospital in Thurso, but the road is far too treacherous, so we’ve taken a room at The Unicorn Inn in Heilam. Your clothes are drying in front of the fire. And you are?’

He hesitated only a moment. ‘James.’

The man, in turn, hesitated only a moment before replying. ‘Well, James, we need to do something about your shoulder. It’s dislocated, and if we leave it much longer it’ll need surgery to be put right.’ 

Seth gave a nod. As much as he’d rather not remember what had happened, bits and pieces were coming back. With a sickening sinking feeling, he reached up his right hand with its swollen knuckles, and felt more than remembered the sensation of teeth giving way beneath them. He felt for the locket around his neck. It wasn’t there. He patted himself down more frantically.

‘What is it?’ said the man.

‘Did you see a brass locket around my neck? Did you see anyone take it?’

‘I’m afraid not. Was it very precious?’

‘How long ago was I robbed?’ How far could they have got? He struggled to sit up, swearing when the pain bit hard.

‘It was a couple of hours ago. Please, stay still. There’s nothing you can do tonight. You’re injured, and everything’s at a standstill because of the weather.’

Seth used his fingers to pry his right eyelid open, but his vision was uselessly blurry, and he let out a harsh exhalation of frustration.

‘My partner is downstairs, making enquiries. He’ll have contacted the authorities by now.’ 

There was the sound of a box opening, and some rummaging about. A silence followed, long enough to make Seth uneasy.

‘What are you doing?’ he said.

‘I have an observation, and a confession,’ said the man, with the kind of extreme gentleness that was terrifying. ‘First, the observation. I’ve only seen injuries like the ones on your back in the ethereal realm. On the backs of angels who had been tortured, or those who flagellated themselves from within, using their own wings.’ He paused, as if waiting for Seth to respond. ‘I’m curious as to which one it is, in your case.’

Seth had stopped breathing. He heard the door to the room softly open and close, but didn’t care who it was, because there was nothing on Earth more dangerous than the question he’d just been asked, and what it implied. He shook his head, glad for once that his eyes were hidden. 

‘Please don’t waste your strength denying it,’ said the man. ‘I’m an angel too. You must have realised it when I tried to help you on the road. A human wouldn’t have been able to reject a miracle, but you did.’

‘I didn’t,’ Seth croaked, finally. ‘Realise it.’ Over the years he’d met any number of people convinced they were something they were not, but this was different. 

There was a pause. ‘All right. The confession is this.’ the man, or angel, took a breath. ‘I went into your mind whilst you were unconscious. I know who you are, and I know who your father is.’

Oh, shit. The angel might as well have shot off some kind of heavenly flare gun, showing everyone exactly where they were.

Seth lunged blindly, grabbing a fistful of the angel’s shirt. ‘Did he send you?’ 

In an instant, he was flat on his back with someone’s hand squeezing his windpipe, while another clawed at his breastbone, sharp nails slicing into his skin.

He couldn’t make a sound. There was a roaring in his ears.

‘Crowley, stop! He can’t – ’

Someone’s forehead was pushed right up against his, a harsh whisper in his face. ‘Don’t you touch him! I will finish you!’ 

A malevolent energy broke into his panicked brain and began tearing it apart. It was as formless as mist on the mountains. There was nothing to gain purchase on, nothing substantial to fight, and no way to stop it.

He made a noise like an animal in a trap.

‘Like father, like son, is it?’

‘Crowley!’

‘Let go! I’ve got this, Angel.’

The torment was unbearable. A dark presence wormed into every corner of his mind, turning over what it found. His wings slammed against his shoulder blades, and he screamed.

‘Crowley! Stop! You’ll kill him!’

‘No one can hear us. Made sure of it.’ The presence moved through him at its own unhurried pace. As it began to ease, Seth was sick all over himself, but the demon – he knew now that this was what Crowley must be – was undeterred, and left no part of Seth’s mind unseen. There was no way to tell how long it lasted, or what had been revealed. Rational consciousness had long since fled.

There was another small, specific pain that brought him round a little as sharp fingertips lifted from the gouged hollows in his chest. Warm wetness spilled out behind them.

The only sound was the crackling of a fire. Seth shook uncontrollably, his breath coming in uneven gasps. Someone snapped their fingers, and the vomit that had covered both him and the bed was gone. 

There was a small silence, and the demon said, ‘Don’t,’ in a voice that was nearly gentle. ‘Don’t think he can take it just now.’

‘I want to do something.’ 

‘I know. But don’t.’

The angel’s voice became a low, urgent growl. ‘I want to talk to you. Outside. Now.’ 

‘I will not apologise for this, if that’s what you’re thinking.’

‘Was it worth it?’ The angel hissed, furiously.

‘It was,’ said the demon, in a voice calmer than Seth had yet heard it.

Seth flinched as uncertain fingers brushed his shin. 

‘I’m so sorry,’ said the angel, though for what, he didn’t specify. ‘I need to speak to my… Crowley. We’ll be just outside the door. We’ll hear you if you call.’ Apparently he thought that would be a reassuring thing to say.

Seth swallowed thickly. ‘You said I had nothing to fear.’

Silence.

‘We’ll be back in a moment,’ said the demon, finally. He sounded weary.

***

Seth lay back, profoundly relieved to be freed from their scrutiny, to let the violent shakes wrack him in private. Gingerly, he touched his chest. It was warm and wet and sticky. He gathered up the blankets and pulled them close. 

A few minutes later, the door opened, and they came back in.

‘I brought you some cocoa,’ said the angel, with a twinge of guilt.

‘Cocoa?’ Seth imbued the word with as much incredulous hatred as he could. 

‘If you want to vent your righteous fury on someone, it should be me,’ said the demon. ‘It was my idea both times. Aziraphale didn’t want to go into your mind, but in the end we agreed he would be more delicate about it.’

Based on what had just happened, Seth was also profoundly grateful that it had been Aziraphale, at least the first time. 

‘And I did try to be,’ said Aziraphale. ‘I am fully aware that it’s a tremendous violation; one I would never undertake lightly, and I am truly sorry that we’ve ended up hurting you so much. That was quite the opposite of our intention.’

‘You have no idea what you might have done,’ Seth ground out. ‘What did you see, then?’ 

‘I saw you with a woman in the nineteenth century. You looked very happy.’

Seth swallowed. ‘We were.’ 

‘I also saw the events leading to your mother’s death. I’m so sorry that happened to you.’

‘It didn’t happen to me. It happened to my mother.’ 

‘It happened to you, too,’ Aziraphale said, gently.

‘I survived!’ he said, realising too late that it had come out much louder than he’d intended.

‘And why do you think that was?’ said Crowley. ‘Your father could strike down a woodlouse six thousand miles away with a flick of his finger. If he’d wanted you dead, you’d be dead. Or at least discorporated.’ 

‘My father was simultaneously possessive and repulsed by me. I’m only half angel. My mother was fully human.’

There was silence, then Aziraphale muttered, ‘Good Lord.’

‘I didn’t know Gabriel went about siring half-human children,’ said Crowley.

‘I don’t suppose he made a habit of it,’ said Aziraphale, thoughtfully. ‘But it does rather answer some questions. And raise some others.’

‘Do you know him?’ said Seth, repeating his questions from earlier. ‘Did he send you?’

‘Yes, we know him,’ said Aziraphale.

‘And no, he didn’t send us,’ said Crowley. ‘We’re not exactly on speaking terms.’

‘It doesn’t excuse what just happened,’ said Aziraphale, but ‘Crowley and I have been through rather a bad time lately ourselves, and I’m afraid your father was closely involved.’

‘In that he tried to annihilate Aziraphale,’ said Crowley.

‘Annihilate? Why?’

‘For being kind.’

‘Not exactly,’ said Aziraphale. He went on to recount the part he and Crowley had played in averting a recent apocalypse Seth had been blissfully unaware of, and how their respective head offices had tried to destroy them for it. They told him the part his father had played, as well.

‘I don’t know what to say,’ said Seth, finally. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry he’s such an evil arsehole. I’m sorry he did that to you.’

‘Not your fault,’ said Aziraphale. ‘But since then, Crowley has been rather protective of me. Completely unnecessary of course, but it’s quite sweet, when he’s not throttling people.’

Crowley made a noise in the back of his throat.

‘I understand,’ said Seth. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t see anything, and when you said…’ His throat tightened.

‘You’ve already been through so much,’ said Aziraphale. ‘You didn’t deserve to be assaulted by us.’ There was a pause. ‘Did he, Crowley.’

‘No,’ said Crowley. This was, apparently, as close to an apology as he would get.

Someone moved across the room, then Crowley’s voice came from Seth’s left, behind Aziraphale. 

‘Look out there.’

Aziraphale stood up and moved away. ‘D’you think that’s… Crowley, where are you going?’

‘Out. Just for a minute.’ Crowley’s voice was on the other side of the room now, presumably where the door was.

‘Don’t go.’

‘Only a minute.’

‘Crowley, please.’ The angel’s voice was tighter, higher, just short of pleading.

‘Better safe than sorry, love.’

All he could hear was Aziraphale’s tense breathing.

Seth felt a pang of fear. ‘What is it?’

‘Nothing to worry about, I hope,’ Aziraphale said. The mattress dipped as he sat back down, his leg a warm pressure on Seth’s hip. ‘Let’s have a look at your shoulder.’ He paused, his tone changing. ‘If you’re not back in five minutes…’

‘Don’t come after me, Angel.’

Seth’s heart sank, remembering the last time he heard that command, and he had a good idea of how Aziraphale would be feeling, too.

‘Of course I will,’ said Aziraphale, the force of his words leaving no doubt that he would tear the world apart, if need be.

The door opened and shut. Aziraphale sighed irritably.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Seth again, not quite sure for what, but clearly there was something his addled brain was missing.

‘Truly not your fault,’ said Aziraphale, rummaging around in a pile of packets, by the sound of it. ‘Now, I must ask you; do you ever use your powers?’ 

‘No. Not any more.’

Aziraphale’s tone held no judgement. ‘In that case, I wonder if you’ll allow me to use mine. What I’m about to do will be extremely painful. I can take the pain away, if you’ll allow it. I can heal all your injuries.’ He laid a hand over the bloody mess on Seth’s chest. ‘There’s no reason you should suffer any more.’

Seth flinched under Aziraphale’s hand, which was immediately withdrawn, along with the ease it had brought merely through the power of a kind touch.

‘I… Sorry.’

‘No need to apologise,’ said Aziraphale. ‘You’ve been through several traumatic experiences in the space of a few hours.’

‘I don’t want you to use any miracles,’ he almost spat the word. ‘On me. Please.’

There was a pause. ‘All right. It’s up to you, of course.’ He shifted position, moving down a few inches. ‘Best get on, then. Are you ready?’

Seth swallowed, and nodded. 

‘Will you at least take some human painkillers? There’s some ibuprofen here. It should help with the swelling.’

He nodded again. The angel put the pills into his good hand, and went to fill a glass from the tap. The bed dipped as he sat back down, and touched the glass to the fingers on Seth’s better hand. It still throbbed from the punching, but at least he could use it.

‘Best not to drink too much. We want them to stay down.’

Once he’d swallowed the pills, Aziraphale took the glass, and then the pillows from under his head, so that he lay flat. He sat back down at Seth’s hip and wrapped strong fingers around his wrist with one hand, cupping his elbow with the other. 

‘I’m going to be manipulating your arm until it slides back into the socket. It may take a few minutes. Ready?’

No. Absolutely not. He nodded.

‘Tell me if you need to stop.’

Slowly, Aziraphale began to bend Seth’s arm from the elbow, stopping when Seth gritted his teeth and stiffened. He didn’t let go, but he didn’t go any further.

‘We’ll rest here a moment,’ he said. 

‘Why did you tell me you were from emergency services?’ Seth managed.

‘I am providing an emergency service,’ said Aziraphale. ‘Just not a human one. Shall we carry on?’

He nodded. It was much, much worse this time, with Aziraphale relentlessly pushing and twisting his arm back up to where it needed to go, and the next time they took a break, he was queasy and trembling.

The hand was back on his head. ‘You’re doing so well. We’re nearly there.’

‘My name isn’t James,’ he blurted. ‘It’s Seth.’

‘I know,’ said Aziraphale, warmly. ‘But thank you for telling me.’ Amusement crept into his voice. ‘I’m not trying to torture it out of you.’

Seth managed a smile. ‘Could have fooled me.’ Of course Aziraphale would have known; he would have heard his father calling him by name in his memories. ‘Why didn’t you say?’

‘We’d already taken far more information than you were willing to give.’ He changed position slightly, bracing himself to apply more force. ‘Ready for the final push?’

Seth nodded. It was bad, and just when he thought the pressure and pain couldn’t get any worse, it did. He was close to fainting when finally, his shoulder gave a sickening grinding slide, the room turned upside down, and when he came back to himself, the pain was far less than before. He lay there, breathing hard, unable to believe it was over. 

‘That’s it,’ said Aziraphale. ‘Brave lad.’ 

Seth made a noise of pained amusement in the back of his throat. It had been a very long time since anyone had spoken to him like a child.

The door opened and shut, so Crowley was back. There was a pause, then he said, ‘Ouch.’

‘Rather,’ said Aziraphale. ‘Well, what did you find?’

‘Tell you in minute. How’s things here?’

‘One arm, happily reunited with its socket. Seth doesn’t want us to use any miracles on him, so it was rather an ordeal.’ Aziraphale was carefully poking about his shoulder, making sure everything was where it was supposed to be, and no further harm had been done. ‘You’ll need to keep it in a sling for a week or so,’ he said. ‘There’s one in the first aid kit.’

Seth swallowed. ‘Thank you.’

‘You’re very welcome. Just the wounds from earlier left to do, then you can rest.’

He could see a bit now; indistinct movements and shapes. Aziraphale was a light one on his left; Crowley a dark shade on his right. The bed creaked as Crowley sat on it and shuffled closer. Seth awkwardly pushed himself away, not trusting his arm to hold him yet. He would have moved off the bed entirely, had Aziraphale not been in the way.

He tried to keep his voice steady, but failed. ‘Don’t touch me.’

Aziraphale’s hand encircled Seth’s wrist in a quick, comforting gesture. ‘He won’t hurt you. He didn’t mean to, before.’

‘No,’ said Crowley, not coming any closer. ‘I absolutely did; and I’d have done a lot worse if I’d needed to. But I won’t do it again.’ He paused. ‘I… got a bag of ice from the bar.’

‘Thank you, my dear,’ said Aziraphale. ‘I’ll take that.’ He took it from Crowley, and applied it to Seth’s shoulder. 

‘Um. Shall I…’

‘Seth, Crowley’s asking if you’ll allow him to tend the wounds he made,’ said Aziraphale.

He didn’t really want to, but he recognised the places of love and rage that the demon had acted from. He gave a nod.

Crowley took the antiseptic wipes Aziraphale offered. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘This is going to hurt a lot, unless you let Aziraphale take the pain away.’

Seth would not, and so it did. Tears streamed from his eyes as what felt like battery acid filled the welling holes in his chest, and his breathing came in ragged gasps.

‘Sorry,’ Crowley said again. ‘Finished with that bit now. Just going to bandage it up.’

‘Would you permit me one more intrusive question tonight?’ said Aziraphale. 

Seth nodded, wondering if the angel was trying to distract him from what Crowley was doing.

‘On that night, when your mother was killed, what happened? After you ran away.’

Seth closed his eyes, but only saw it all the more clearly. ‘I did as I was told. I ran to my granny’s as fast as I could. Not only because my mother told me to, but because I was terrified that my father would come for her next. She took me to my uncle’s cottage, where we hid. I was beside myself with grief, and having been out in that weather, I quickly came down with pneumonia. It was a mir-,’ he stopped himself. ‘Well, not a miracle, but it was incredible that I survived. My uncle collected Mam’s body that night,’ his throat tightened, ‘and by the time I was strong enough to be told, she had been buried several weeks gone, in the Auld Kirk in the village. When they told me, my granny gave me a locket. She’d cut off a bit of my mother’s hair and put it inside with a pressed flower.’ He paused. ‘When my wife, Mairi, passed away, I added a lock of her hair as well.’

‘That’s the locket that was stolen tonight?’ said Aziraphale, letting out a breath. ‘Oh, my dear boy.’

‘We’ll get it back,’ said Crowley.

For the first time since the attack, Seth was able to see a bit, and the first thing he saw was the demon’s fingers covered in Seth’s own blood as he smoothed a bandage over the injuries he’d inflicted. He pushed off the bed and went into the bathroom. Water ran. It sounded as though he was washing his hands, and he came back holding a wet flannel. ‘D’you mind if I clean you up a bit?’ he said.

Seth shook his head. The demon settled beside him and gently washed goodness knew how many kinds of muck from his face, neck, and shoulders, including crusted blood over several cuts by his eyes from where his glasses had been smashed. He put the flannel down, and took a small jar from the kit. ‘This is a muscle salve,’ he said, waving the herbal concoction under Seth’s nose. ‘It’ll help with the pain and bruising. Shall I put some on?’

Seth nodded, freezing only when Crowley touched his neck. After a moment, the fingers began smoothing the fragrant remedy over his abused skin, and before long, relief was warring for dominance over fear. Seth looked to his left and was able to make out Aziraphale’s face. The angel was focused on Crowley’s caretaking, and the love and affection that suffused every aspect of his being were astonishing. Was this what angels were supposed to look like? When Aziraphale noticed Seth looking and turned that gaze on him, he stopped breathing for a moment. It was too much, and he shut his eyes against it.

***

He must have fallen asleep, because when he was next aware of anything, there was a soft snoring coming from the chair on his left. Aziraphale was slumped in it, his head leant back against the wall. Crowley lay beside him, on top of the bedclothes but facing away.

On the bedside table was the mug of cocoa from before, somehow still hot, though it had been hours since Aziraphale had brought it up from the bar. He must have miracled the drink. At that moment, Seth could only be grateful, and he sipped it with pleasure. He studied the angel’s face, the first one of his kind he’d ever seen, apart from his father’s. This angel’s face was kind, and it was touching that he’d let his guard down enough to sleep. He did have a bodyguard though, and Crowley was unlikely to give him a second chance if he thought Aziraphale was in danger.

He needed the loo. He sat up slowly, moving carefully to see what would hurt, and how much. His arm wasn’t too bad. The ibuprofen must have been quite strong, and the ice had helped the swelling on his shoulder, and then his face. The first aid kit was still open, and he managed to unfold the sling and work out how to put it on, which he accomplished with some difficulty, and popped a couple more pills out of the blister pack. He eased out of bed and padded to the bathroom as quietly as he could, grabbing his now dry and warm, if slightly stiff, underwear and trousers on the way.

When he emerged from the bathroom, Crowley stirred, but went back to sleep immediately. Aziraphale appeared to be out cold. The soft plashing of snow on the window made Seth push the curtain aside. The inn’s car park was illuminated by dim yellow lamps. Beyond its bounds was nothing but impermeable blackness.

Suddenly a movement at the boundary between light and darkness caught his eye, and he squinted to make it out, cursing his still-puffy eyelids and the bastards who’d broken his distance glasses. 

It was a man, and his bearing was unmistakable. He stopped breathing. It couldn’t be. But that light-coloured figure was seared into his memory, and looked exactly the same as it had so very long ago, when he stood over the body of mother. When he was trying to persuade the love of his life to leave him.

‘I’m going to get some more ice,’ he whispered, in case they weren’t as asleep as they appeared. He slipped out of the room and down the stairs, into the dark and empty bar. He moved to the window for a closer look. His stomach lurched. Yes. It was Gabriel. He stood motionless in a long, celestial – ha, what a joke – blue overcoat and an impeccable scarf, not a hair out of place despite the buffeting winds. He didn’t appear to be feeling the cold, though he must have been out there for several hours at least, if Crowley had seen him earlier.

He ran to the door and rattled the latch. It was fastened in some complicated way, and in his frustration his efforts grew more violent. Finally, he was able to throw the door open. The security alarm blared. Doors banged and footsteps pounded along the upper landing, at the top of the stairs, coming down the stairs. Aziraphale and Crowley were yelling. Seth ran shirtless and barefoot into the snow. He made it as far as the middle of the car park before they wrapped strong arms around him and dragged him back inside, sobbing and screaming at the figure who was no longer there.

They manhandled him up the stairs, apologising to bleary, annoyed faces left and right, making excuses, entreating the innkeeper not to call the police. Once back in the room they propelled him to the bed, pushed him face down, and piled on top of him as he continued to thrash.

He snarled with frustration, twisting under them. ‘Why didn’t you tell me he was here?’

‘Maybe because we thought you’d do something stupid!’ said Crowley, seizing his arm and pinning it to the bed. ‘Obviously we were wrong!’

‘He knew I was here because you used your powers on me!’

There was a pause. ‘And now he knows we’re here, too,’ said Crowley, darkness in his voice.’ He shifted, getting a better grip on Seth’s arm. ‘Do you think…?’

‘I don’t know. It’s possible,’ said Aziraphale, a disquieting undertone in his voice as well. ‘Be careful with that arm, Crowley, it could easily dislocate again.’

Seth bucked, trying to throw them off.

‘Do it!’ said Crowley. ‘I’d better not.’

‘Get off me!’ Seth yelled. Crowley’s hand clapped over his mouth.

‘Be quiet, idiot, do you want them to call the police?’

‘Oh, Seth,’ said Aziraphale, breathlessly, but firmly. ‘Your back…’

Now that his attention was drawn to it, his back was blazing, his wings beating a brutal tattoo against his skin from the inside. Aziraphale laid a cool hand over each of his shoulder blades, focusing Seth’s attention there. He collapsed, feeling the full weight of his exhaustion for the first time.

‘Can we stop this now?’ said Crowley.

Seth nodded.

‘If you start again, I will use a miracle to stop you,’ said Aziraphale, breathlessly but firmly. ‘Do you understand?’

He nodded again.

After a few moments, they cautiously released him. They flanked him as though he was a prisoner about to make a break for it, and both of them were staring openly at his bare back.

‘You can’t carry on like this,’ said Aziraphale.

‘I know,’ he said. ‘What do you think I was trying to do just now? End it, one way or the other.’

‘No,’ said Aziraphale, with infinite gentleness. ‘I meant, when you were a little boy, you ran from your father, but at the same time, you’ve carried him with you every step of the way. And like it or not, he’s a part of you.’ With a fingertip, he traced the long, raised scars on and between Seth’s burning, discoloured shoulder blades. ‘What happened here?’

‘After Mam was killed, and I was ill, I tried to cut my wings out of me so that he wouldn’t come for me again. I took my uncle’s sgian dubh and set to, but the handle wasn’t long enough, so I got the axe.’

‘You tried to cut your wings out of your own back with an axe?’ said Crowley, in horrified wonderment. 

‘You do know that’s not possible?’ said Aziraphale, gently.

‘I soon found out. My uncle stopped me before I killed myself,’ he paused, ‘If that’s even possible?’

Aziraphale frowned in deep thought. ‘If you were fully divine, there’s very little you could do to permanently end your existence, at least in the ethereal realm. If your human body was destroyed on Earth, you could request another in the ethereal realm and return to the Earthly plane. However, there are ways to annihilate us from which we cannot return. Your father tried to kill me with hellfire, and Beelzebub tried to kill Crowley with holy water provided by the Archangel Michael. Had we not switched bodies, they would have succeeded.’

‘Oh my God,’ said Seth. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Not your fault,’ said Aziraphale, his eyes flicking to Crowley. ‘But it’s best you know what he’s capable of. However, in your case, I’m not sure if, all things being equal, you’re as immortal as a full angel would be. You may be a bit more divine than human, or a bit more human than divine, and that could make a difference.’ 

‘Maybe that’s why you were able to keep Gabriel from controlling your thoughts after he killed your mother,’ said Crowley. ‘If you were fully human, he’d have been able to do that, no problem. But you stopped him then, like you stopped Aziraphale, on the road.’

‘But I couldn’t stop you,’ said Seth.

‘I’m not an angel,’ said Crowley. ‘S’different.’

‘You look young for your two hundred-odd years, but you are aging, aren’t you?’ said Aziraphale.

‘Yeah. Just extremely slowly,’ said Seth. 

‘Do you think Gabriel is here to try to annihilate you?’ said Aziraphale.

‘No idea.’ 

‘You’re not thinking of hurting yourself again, are you?’ the angel said, gently.

‘No. I’m thinking of hurting him.’

‘You must understand that your wings manifest from the ethereal realm, not from within your human corporation. There’s nothing you can do to change that, or to make them go away.’ Aziraphale’s expression conveyed an almost unbearable depth of care. ‘So please don’t ever try anything like that again.’

‘I know!’ said Seth, allowing irritation to mask the shame and embarrassment that threatened to overwhelm him. 

‘Do you?’ said Crowley. ‘You said you’ve never tried to manifest your wings, only to prevent them manifesting. So how much do you actually know about how they work?’

‘Not much. They manifested when I was a baby, and a toddler, without me thinking about it. But as soon as I could control them, my mother told me to hide them.’

‘It’s not anyone’s place to tell you what to do now,’ said Aziraphale. ‘But if you will allow me to give you some advice: let them out. See how they feel. How you feel. You’re in pain every moment of the day, to some degree. It’s the resistance that hurts. You can’t fight anything, until you stop fighting yourself.’

‘That’s the voice of six thousand years of experience,’ said Crowley, squeezing the hand Aziraphale reached out to him.

‘You’re afraid that if you use your angelic powers, it will make you like Gabriel, is that it?’ said Aziraphale.

‘Not exactly. I used a miracle before Mairi and I got together, to save the life of a woman who’d just given birth. But I won’t do anything that’ll make him think he’s won.’

‘Then he won’t win.’

‘What does ‘winning’ look like to Gabriel?’ said Crowley. ‘Domination. Is that what it looks like to you?’

‘I’ve never thought about it one way or the other,’ said Seth.

‘And there’s the difference between you,’ said Aziraphale. ‘One of many, I’m sure.’

‘I don’t know how to let them out. I don’t know how to get to the bloody ethereal realm, and I don’t care if I ever do!’

There was a silence, then Aziraphale said, ‘Would you like me to take you there now? Just for a minute?’

‘Aziraphale, no,’ said Crowley. ‘It’s too dangerous. They could be waiting.’

‘I don’t want you to put yourself in danger for me,’ said Seth.

‘We were in danger long before yesterday,’ said Aziraphale. 

‘It couldn’t have been a coincidence, could it?’ said Seth. That you two came along all the way up here, in the middle of nowhere, just when I needed help.’

‘It wasn’t,’ said Aziraphale. ‘We have a network of contacts, Crowley and I. One of them told us someone was in trouble up here, and we happened to be passing.’

‘You happened to be passing Ben Hope in the middle of a snowstorm?’

‘The point is,’ said Aziraphale, ‘no, our meeting wasn’t a coincidence.’

‘We didn’t know anything about you,’ said Crowley. ‘Only that you were someone who would be needing help. So that’s what we popped along to do.’

‘But you’re a demon,’ said Seth.

‘Long story,’ said Crowley. 

‘I bet if you’d known who I was, you wouldn’t have come. And I wouldn’t blame you.’

They exchanged a glance.

‘Perhaps not,’ said Aziraphale. ‘But I’m glad we did.’

‘Thank you. I’m grateful to you,’ said Seth. He tried to stifle a yawn.

‘You’re very welcome,’ said Aziraphale. ‘I think the best thing we can do for tonight is try and get some rest.’

This time Crowley insisted that Aziraphale take the bed, while he draped his long legs over the armrest of the chair by the wall. Seth wasn’t sure if that was more to put him at ease, or out of care for Aziraphale, though he could hazard a guess.

‘Sleep tight, everyone,’ said Aziraphale cheerfully, pulling a blanket over himself and curling into a ball so that only his shock of impossibly white-blonde hair was visible.

‘Goodnight, Angel,’ Crowley muttered. ‘G’night, Seth.’

Seth warmed at the simple wish. No one had bid him good night in a long time, and it was nice. He bid them goodnight, closed his eyes, and slept.

***


	4. Chapter 4

Seth woke to the soft clinking of teacups and saucers being set on the bedside table. One for him, and one for Crowley, who was still asleep. ‘Thank you for the cocoa,’ he said. ‘Last night. It was good.’

The angel beamed. ‘I’ve always found cocoa can be helpful when one is in extremis, especially in the small hours.’ 

‘It was kind of you. I haven’t made things easy for you, and you had no reason to help me, especially considering, well, who I am.’ 

‘And who is that?’ said Aziraphale, his eyes not leaving Seth’s.

‘My father’s son.’

‘In certain respects, perhaps, but in others, you’re very much your own, well, being.’ He took a sip of tea. ‘Did your mother know Gabriel was an angel?’

‘Yes. He told her while he was still inside her.’ 

Aziraphale winced, and Seth nodded, continuing. ‘I know. He said he loved her, and so he’d given her a great gift; a baby who would be more than human. He said she’d have to protect me until I was old enough to realise my destiny and take my place at his side.’ His voice was rough with tiredness and the old anger. ‘Turned out, the only one I needed protection from was him.’

‘I see,’ said Aziraphale, quietly. ‘How did she take that news?’

‘She thought he was mad, of course. Who would believe someone who says, ‘Oh by the way, I’m the Archangel Gabriel and I’ve just used you to make a baby angel? She was frightened out of her wits and tried to push him off, but he stayed on top of her, pressing himself deeply inside her as long as possible, whispering on and on about how wonderful their child would be. She said he seemed oddly reverent, incapable of understanding that she didn’t want his ‘gift’, and wholly unaware of the fact that being an unmarried mother was a curse in itself, in those times.’

‘And she told you this?’

‘Oh God, no; my uncle did, years later. My mother still found it in her heart to love me, somehow, even when I began performing miracles in my cradle and she came to accept that my father had told her the truth about who he was. The only person she told was my uncle, in case anything happened to her and he’d to raise me. Which he did.’

‘Huh,’ said Crowley, who’d surfaced some time during this conversation. ‘The more I hear about this lot, the more glad I am that I fell when I did.’

‘Not all angels are like that,’ said Aziraphale. ‘But you do find more of them at the management level.’

‘You two aren’t what I expected an angel or a demon to be like,’ said Seth. His shoulder twinged, and he flashed back to their initial meeting. ‘And I’m sure I’d be dead if you hadn’t come along. And maybe again last night, outside. Thank you. And I’m so sorry I’ve put you in danger.’

He finished his tea and slid out of bed. In the fireplace, the embers were still burning. Seth grabbed his socks and sat down to put them on. Reaching his feet with his bad arm proved frustrating until Aziraphale knelt down and helped with both socks and walking boots. 

‘Thank you.’ Seth stood back up and put his jacket on. ‘I’ll find a way to repay you, somehow.’ 

Aziraphale’s face had taken on a deeply concerned expression. ‘What are you going to do?

He went to the door and opened it. ‘First of all, I’m going to find my locket. Then I’m going to find my bloody father.’

‘I said we’d help you,’ said Crowley. He glanced at Aziraphale. ‘With the locket, anyway.’

He went out onto the landing, beating a slow but steady exit. ‘No. You’re kind to offer, but you’ve done more than enough. I won’t mix you up in this any more than you already are.’ He reached the stairs and started down.

Aziraphale descended the stairs behind him, and something was different; it was evident even in the weight and speed of his footfalls. 

The angel’s hand came down heavily on Seth’s good shoulder, and pushed him against the wall of the stairwell. Aziraphale occupied the same narrow stair, crowding him. All traces of humour and gentleness were gone, replaced with something that hinted at a disquieting darkness. Seth couldn’t tell whether it was, or wasn’t at odds with the angel he was coming to know.

‘Listen to me,’ said Aziraphale. ‘If you’re going to confront Gabriel in anger, with no protection beyond gambling that his powers won’t work on you because you’re not fully angelic in origin, it’s highly unlikely you’ll come out of this alive. You’re going to have to use your power this time. Accept that, or walk away now.’ 

The angel’s eyes were wide, their startling blue cold and hard, taking Seth aback. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘But I need to do this on my own. You saved my life, and I’m not going to repay you by getting you killed.’ He went to the entrance and freezing air rushed in as he opened the door, wincing as the effort detonated a small bomb of pain in his shoulder. 

The door slammed shut, and Crowley set his back against it. ‘What Aziraphale is saying,’ he said, in the tones of one whose patience had come to an end, ‘is if you’re going up against Gabriel, you’d better use every advantage you have, and he is sweetly offering to show you how to manifest the greatest form of protection available to you, at no small risk to himself. It would be advantageous for you to take him up on his kind offer, so you don’t end up very dead, very quickly.’

In the silence that followed, the voice of a female tv news presenter drifted through from the bar. ‘Police Scotland have closed the A836 three miles north of Altnaharra due to a road accident that sadly claimed the lives of three men late yesterday evening.’

They stepped into the doorway of the bar to see the screen, and the wreckage did resemble the car from the previous night, though Seth’s memory was hazy.

Aziraphale’s gaze slid to Crowley, who raised his eyebrows. ‘Not me.’ When the angel’s gaze didn’t waver, he added, ‘Honest. Stick a fork in my eye.’

‘In any case, there’ll be no public transport now, till that’s cleared,’ said Aziraphale. ‘You’re free to walk out that door and freeze to death somewhere down the road, or we can give you a lift.’ The barest hint of smugness crept into his expression. ‘So, what’s it to be?’

‘I will accept,’ Seth said slowly, ‘but only on the condition that if things become dangerous, you two keep out of the way.’

‘Fair enough,’ said Crowley, glancing at Aziraphale, who nodded.

Aziraphale escorted Seth out to the car as if still unsure he’d get in on his own. He opened the Bentley’s door, and waved him in with a flourish. ‘There’s a tuck box on the floor if you’re peckish,’ he said. ‘Best keep your strength up.’

Crowley appeared a few minutes later, after he and Aziraphale had cheerfully demolished a packet of cheese and tomato sandwiches that had been neatly wrapped in wax paper and tied with string. No prizes for guessing how they remained as fresh as the day they’d been made. 

‘Did you pay the bill?’ said Aziraphale, suspiciously.

‘Yeah, more or less.’

The angel sighed.

‘Yes, I paid,’ he growled. ‘And I gave him a bit extra for the disturbance, are you happy?’

Aziraphale beamed. ‘Yes.’

Crowley rolled his eyes, but was clearly suppressing a smile. He started the engine. ‘Where to, Angel?’

‘Somewhere we won’t be seen from the road.’

There was no way any normal car could have made it through those snowdrifts on the drive, let alone the accumulation on the narrow, winding main road, but the Bentley managed with ease. It purred along at a speed that had Seth closing his eyes and clutching the back of the front seat, certain that Crowley would kill them all before Gabriel ever had a chance. Aziraphale’s hand was similarly braced on the ceiling, and he had gone quiet, but the driver either didn’t notice, or else was simply used to his passengers being permanently braced for impact.

Outside the window was nothing but a white blur as they whipped along, and suddenly slid to a halt down a tiny lane. Crowley turned off the engine. ‘This is as good a place as any, wouldn’t you say?’

Aziraphale scanned the landscape; lumpy, snow-covered hillocks and rocks, including the enormous boulder they’d pulled up next to. ‘I dare say.’ He got out of the front seat and had Seth slide over so he could join him in the back.

‘Oi, pass over that tin,’ said Crowley. ‘Some of us haven’t raided the tuck box yet.’

‘I’m so sorry, my dear. I believe you’ll find your favourite sticky buns in there.’ 

Crowley’s mouth opened and shut, but he took the tin in silence.

Aziraphale turned to Seth. ‘Now, you mentioned that when you were a very small child, you did miracles. What sort were they?’

‘I manifested toys when I was bored. Treats when I was hungry.’ He smiled. ‘The neighbours’ cat, once.’

‘But not after the incident with Gabriel and your mother,’ said Crowley.

‘Only twice. Once, I told you about, when I saved the woman in Edinburgh. The other time, I was much younger, about twelve. I had a dog called Aife. I loved her so much. There was a bully in the village, and one day he got hold of her. He taunted me, then threw her off a bridge into a river in full flood. She was pulled downstream so fast. I ran full pelt alongside, screaming her name. Every time she went under, I thought it would be the last. Without thinking, I started willing her to keep her head up, and in my mind’s eye, I saw the current change, to carry her over to the bank. Then it happened, exactly the way I’d pictured it. I was able to throw myself down into the reeds and pull her out. It all happened so fast. I didn’t realise at first that I’d changed the river’s course.’

‘Well,’ said Aziraphale. ‘That was a good use of your powers, wasn’t it?’

He nodded. ‘Except when I walked back along the bank and saw the boy watching us with this horrible, unrepentant look on his face, I was filled with rage. Suddenly the boy lifted off the ground and dangled over the rushing waters. I hated him, his mindless cruelty. I wanted him to drown, like he’d tried to drown my innocent wee dog. It would have been so easy.’

The angel’s eyes were wide. Crowley had swivelled in his seat and paused in munching his iced bun. 

‘And did you? Drown him?’ said Aziraphale.

‘No. I pictured him safely back on the bridge, and then he was. He was too scared to tell anyone what happened. And I frightened myself so badly I swore never to use my powers again, in case I turned out to be a murderer like my father.’

‘But you controlled yourself,’ said Aziraphale. ‘You didn’t allow your anger to get the better of you. And when you were grown up, you used your power to save a woman’s life.’

Seth looked at him. ‘Aziraphale, have you ever wanted to kill someone? I mean, really wanted them dead.’

Crowley appeared interested in the answer too.

Aziraphale was clearly uncomfortable. ‘I was created to be an instrument of the Almighty’s love, and to obey Their commandments.’ Crowley made a noise. Aziraphale ignored him. ‘That was the idea, anyway. My name means ‘Whom God comforts and healed’, due to an incident that happened early on in my relationship with the Almighty.’

‘Does it?’ said Crowley, leaning back in surprise. ‘You never told me that.’

‘Yes. Well.’ The angel squirmed slightly. ‘Need to keep the mystery alive, and all that. I’ve never wanted to kill anyone, but there are people I have wished were dead, so that they couldn’t inflict more suffering on others.’

‘And did you do anything about it?’ said Crowley.

‘On occasion, I’ve allowed events to take their course, and didn’t intervene to save them,’ he said.

Crowley thought for a moment. ‘The executioner at the Bastille? Is that still bothering you?’

Aziraphale nodded. ‘And on the other occasions, like Seth, I was able to rise above my anger.’

‘Then there was Adam,’ said Crowley. ‘You were prepared to kill him.’

‘I had come to care deeply about Adam, but I was prepared to do it to save the world,’ said Aziraphale, clearly distressed at the memory, ‘but I didn’t want to, and it was a good job Madame Tracy stopped me.’

Crowley reached over the seat and squeezed the angel’s shoulder. ‘It was. Not sure how you would’ve coped with that, afterwards.’

‘Anyway,’ said Aziraphale, ‘You’re not going to kill Gabriel, and if you physically attack him it will be a very short fight, so put that idea out of your head. But he will probably try to influence your thinking. And that’s where the manifestation of your divine energies will help you. Up to now they’ve been working against you, because you won’t allow them to manifest as they’re designed to do. But if you can free them, and keep control of yourself, they’ll do as they should. They’ll give you strength, and protect you.’

‘Can only be a good thing,’ said Crowley.

Seth slumped back. ‘You’re never going to give up, are you?’

‘I might,’ said Crowley. He nodded to Aziraphale. ‘But he always gets his way in the end.’

Aziraphale smiled beatifically. ‘Let’s start with your wings. If you’re not constantly in pain, other things will come more easily.’ He eyed the snowy landscape. ‘We should do this outside.’

Reluctantly, they left the warmth of the car and went to stand in front of the boulder that blocked the view from the road, not that anyone would be along anytime soon.

‘I’m going to take you to the ethereal plane, where your wings can manifest,’ said Aziraphale. He held out a hand, and gave Crowley a significant look. 

Crowley’s expression was unreadable behind his dark glasses. He gave a nod. ‘I’ll keep watch. Be careful, Angel.’

Seth slowly reached out and took Aziraphale’s hand. The air seemed to shimmer, and though the landscape remained the same, it seemed less substantial, somehow. Seth turned to the huge granite boulder behind them. He reached out, jerking back as his fingers appeared to pass through the rock.

‘How?’ Was all he could manage.

‘We’re in exactly the same place, but on an adjacent plane of existence,’ said Aziraphale. ‘Sort of side by side, if you will. When we’re here, we can see what’s happening, but we can’t affect it. If you try to pick up a pebble, your fingers will just go through it.’

Seth performed the experiment, which went exactly as the angel said. 

‘At the same time,’ said Aziraphale, ‘natural laws are different here. For example, you can manifest your wings much more easily here than on Earth.’

As soon as the angel said it, Seth felt a wall come down in his mind. ‘I don’t think I can.’ 

Aziraphale turned to face him and extended his hand, palm up. ‘Close your eyes and picture an orange flower in my hand.’

Seth’s throat began to close, his head shaking. 

‘Close your eyes,’ Aziraphale repeated. ‘Just do that.’

He did. A moment later, Aziraphale’s warm, strong arms wrapped around him. Every atom in Seth’s body was suffused with a peace he’d never dreamed possible. All of the physical and emotional pain he’d carried for so long was lifted from him. He felt loved beyond comprehension, known and seen beyond words, and his body sagged for the indescribable relief of it, secure in the angel’s arms. 

‘That’s it,’ Aziraphale murmured, his hand stroking Seth’s hair. 

They remained like that in silence for what felt like a long time. 

‘You’re not in my mind, are you?’ Seth murmured.

‘No. What you’re feeling is angelic energy, yours and mine combined, in its undiluted form.’

‘It feels so good,’ said Seth, aware of how painfully inadequate words were. He felt Aziraphale give a quiet laugh.

‘I’m glad. Healing is one of my gifts, as it is one of yours, too.’

Gingerly, he rotated his shoulder. ‘Even my arm doesn’t hurt anymore.’

‘The injuries to your human body don’t exist here. But I’m afraid they’ll be back when we return to the Earthly plane.’

‘Am I human, or am I an angel?’ said Seth.

Aziraphale shook his head. ‘You’re you. But you’ll never find out what that really means unless you explore your angelic nature, as well as your human one.’

‘So many times over the years I’ve seen people who needed help, and I’ve done nothing,’ Seth confessed. ‘Not only done nothing, but taken a twisted sort of pleasure in knowing that a real angel would do something. That maybe somewhere, my father and his cronies were watching, and seeing how I’d have nothing to do with his world. Then it would torment me afterwards. I’ve not been a good human or a good angel.’

‘Few of us have,’ said Aziraphale. ‘It’s a good thing we can be forgiven, and try to do better. Tell me about this Mairi of yours.’

‘But you’ve seen her in my memories.’

‘I want to hear it from you, from your heart.’ 

Tears spilled from Seth’s eyes, but he kept them closed. The angel’s soft curls brushed his cheek. He told Aziraphale everything. How he and Mairi had met and courted, how he’d saved Rebecca Foster, how Gabriel had tried to frighten and then murder Mairi, and how he’d subsequently sworn off using his power and married Mairi. How he’d taken them off to live on Skye for a while, and over a picnic on the beach, told her who, and what, he really was, and she had, eventually, believed him. How they’d moved to Fort William when she needed more care than he could give without using his power. How letting her go at the end had been upon her insistence, and the hardest thing he’d ever done.

‘Thank you,’ said Aziraphale, and it sounded as though he was weeping, too. ‘That was very brave.’

The angel’s hand stroked through his hair, and the old grief and pain eased.

‘Give me a flower,’ whispered Aziraphale.

Though Seth was thrown by the request, the image came to his mind without hesitation; a rich orange marigold in the angel’s hand. 

‘Open your eyes,’ murmured Aziraphale.

He did, wiping tears on the back of his hand, and Aziraphale stepped back to show him the flower resting on his palm. Seth took it in wonderment.

‘It’s real,’ said Aziraphale. ‘At least, here, on the ethereal plane.’ He gestured back to himself, smiling. ‘To me again, if you please.’

Seth needed no encouragement, and this time it was he who enfolded Aziraphale in his arms. The angel’s hands pressed warmly against his shoulder blades.

‘This time, focus here, where I’m touching you. Imagine your wings. Big. Powerful. Magnificent. Bright with the true glory of heaven and the goodness and love that’s always there, unvanquished and undimmed, at the inviolable centre of your being.’

‘That should be easy,’ Seth muttered.

Aziraphale huffed a laugh. ‘Just try it.’

He did. 

‘Keep your eyes closed,’ Aziraphale said, quietly. ‘Concentrate. Do you feel anything?’

‘I feel something. Like an extension of my shoulder blades.’ 

‘Yes. Anything else?’

‘I feel… lighter.’

‘How so?’

‘Maybe not lighter, exactly, but stronger. In every way. Not weighed down like before. Not afraid like before.’

‘Good. Open your eyes. Don’t be afraid. It’s still just you. Just a part you haven’t seen for a long time.’

It was a good thing Aziraphale anticipated his reaction and kept a firm hold on him, because he would have dropped in shock, otherwise. A magnificent pair of wings encircled them. There was nothing delicate about them. They were luminous, and mighty; built for protection and healing. They provided a shelter in which nothing could be heard but the soft riffling of feathers as he twisted first one way, and then the other as he tried to get a better look at them. At himself. They parted, revealing a similar pair of wings which belonged to Aziraphale, which had formed a second, outer circle around them. 

‘They’re beautiful. Freaky, but beautiful.’

‘They are beautiful,’ said Aziraphale. ‘They only seem ‘freaky’ because you’re not used to them. In time, they’ll feel as natural as any other part of you, because they are. And they’re not just lovely to look at. First and foremost, they’re functional. Unfortunately there’s no time for flying lessons, but you can use them for protection, too.’

That was enough. He’d need a bit of time to process this. ‘How do I put them in?’ said Seth.

‘The same way. Close your eyes, and imagine them gone, your back as it is in your human form.’

Aziraphale stepped forward to hold him again, and he did his best to do as instructed. 

All he could feel was the fathomless comfort and safety of Aziraphale’s embrace, and pulling away from it once his wings were in was nearly impossible, but he forced himself to step backwards. Aziraphale released him immediately, opening his wings to let him go. He willed himself on Earth again. It was like leaving the water after a beautiful warm swim, when gravity rudely reasserted itself and felt a million times more powerful than before you’d got in. He fell to his knees, and for a few terrible moments plummeted into an abyss of soul-rending grief at the separation. Crowley quickly stepped forwards to kneel beside him, drawing him into an embrace that eased the pain and brought him back to something resembling equilibrium.

‘I know,’ Crowley murmured. ‘It’s not that you feel bad, it’s just that normal feels dreadful after you’ve felt the immensity of an angel’s love.’

Seth nodded, processing the unwelcome return of the pain in his shoulder, and the stiff, sore muscles of his scarred and beaten back. And that was nothing to the grief and rage that poured back in, making him realise just how much of it he had carried for so long. It felt unbearable now. It had to end.

‘I’m so sorry,’ said Aziraphale, behind them. ‘It gets easier after the first time. You’re more prepared for it. And as you explore your powers and perhaps use them a bit more, you’ll feel better about them, too.’ His hand appeared at Seth’s shoulder, proffering a tartan flask. When Seth simply stared at it, his mind still trying to process what had happened, and was still happening in his mind, in how he perceived himself, Aziraphale unscrewed the cup lid and poured a measure of steaming, sugary tea into it. He passed it to Seth with a hand that both Seth and Crowley now noticed was trembling. They looked up into Aziraphale’s troubled face as the angel scanned their surroundings.

‘They’re near,’ he said.

***

Crowley released the brake and threw a glance to Seth in the back seat. ‘Where to, then?’

‘The car crash site, just north of Altnaharra.’

Crowley trundled the car back up to the winding mountain road, Aziraphale braced his hand on the ceiling, and they sped off through the snow.

When they arrived, the wreckage had been cleared away, but the car’s skid off the road and into a big granite boulder was uncomfortably obvious. Seth gave an inward shudder at the memory of the night before, and the vision of how his attackers must have died. The snow here had been pounded into slush by the boots of police officers and paramedics, and spattered with dark red and black streaks that told the story of what had happened in gruesome detail.

‘What are we looking for?’ said Crowley.

He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. Anything. A clue. Maybe the locket was even thrown clear.’

They spent the next couple of hours combing the site. The weather was closing in again, and the road closure ensured no one came by as they tramped up and down through the drifts, their jackets pulled up around their ears, and hands jammed in pockets for warmth. 

Time went on, and they found nothing. The cold made Seth’s injuries ache all the more, and he had to support his left arm with his right.

Aziraphale appeared at his side. His gaze was penetrating. ‘Why aren’t you wearing the sling?’

‘I don’t want to look vulnerable.’

Aziraphale’s expression shifted subtly through exasperation to understanding. 

‘You’re scared too,’ said Seth.

‘You’d be a fool not to be,’ said Aziraphale. ‘But like you, I’m angry, too.’ He glanced over at Crowley, some distance away, and lowered his voice. ‘You saw how Crowley reacted when he felt you were threatening me. He saw and heard everything Gabriel said and did to me – well, to him, but Gabriel thought it was me – at the end, and I’m afraid he’s going to do something that’ll give Gabriel the excuse to finish him.’

‘Can you not talk to him?

Aziraphale shook his head and bit his lip. ‘He’ll promise me he won’t do anything silly, but he’s on such a hair-trigger these days.’

‘And you aren’t?’ said Seth.

Aziraphale glanced at him, and looked away. 

‘This is why whatever happens, I’m doing it alone,’ said Seth. He turned and headed back towards the Bentley, when a flickering movement caught his eye. It was halfway up the boulder that had ended the lives of his attackers; sigils inscribed in orange and blue flames. Somehow, Seth knew what they meant, and his heart gave a lurch. Aziraphale and Crowley joined him in peering at the boulder.

‘What’re we looking at?’ said Crowley. 

Aziraphale appeared similarly blank, but Seth understood. ‘It’s a message. Just for me. It says, ‘Go home.’’

‘What home?’ said Crowley.

Seth looked out over the snowy landscape he knew so well, and shivered. ‘My home. The one where I was born.’

‘He’s taking you back to the beginning,’ said Crowley. 

Aziraphale nodded in agreement. ‘But to what end?’

‘Maybe to finish what he started,’ said Seth.

They piled back into the car. Aziraphale turned the heater up as high as it would go, but it seemed none of them could get warm now.

***

Some way south of Altnaharra, Seth’s heart leapt at the view he’d known so intimately, and shared with those most dear, before all of it had been stripped away, and he’d been alone for such a long time, until he met Mairi. ‘Here,’ he said.

Crowley strained to see what he was referring to. ‘Where?’

‘Can you pull up? Over there, to the right. Those heaps of stones in the distance. I expect the community collapsed during the clearances, when I was down in Edinburgh.’

‘Nasty business that was,’ said Crowley. ‘Same old story; profit before people.’

Aziraphale made a noise of agreement. ‘It must be half a mile or so of open ground. Walking in, we’ll be seen all the way from here.’

‘You’ll stay here,’ said Seth. ‘Please.’

Aziraphale and Crowley looked at one another, and Seth got out of the car before they could protest. He picked his way down the steep verge from the road and crunched through the snowdrifts and across the barren, frozen fields, towards home. The old stand of forest was gone now, but some higher growth still traced the banks of the River Shin. 

The bustling hamlet of his memory was mainly reduced to heaps of ruined stone cottages with collapsed roofs and doorways, bare sticks of vegetation peeking up through the snow where his family and neighbours had laboured endlessly to eke out a livelihood in this unforgiving corner of the highlands. They’d also laughed and played and dreamed and made love and told stories and sung songs, and loved one another, and done everything in their power to make a life as well as a living. The Auld Kirk’s good bones had kept it standing, though, albeit without its roof or steeple. He would go there, but first, he had to go home.

Although he could have come back here any time in the past couple of hundred years, he’d always taken another road, fearing this very scene. He hadn’t wanted to remember it this way, but finally, here he was, at the place where past and present smashed together.

He walked down the road that may or may not still be there, hidden under the snow, passing his uncle’s smithy, his best friend William’s house, the school – how he and William would have loved to see it collapse! He kept walking, a bit away from the heart of the hamlet. He resisted a look over the kirk wall as he passed, and kept going past several enclosures until he arrived home. 

Although he stood before low heaps of tumbledown stones, in his mind’s eye the cozy little cottage stood whole, and exactly as he remembered. He stepped over the threshold, feeling the ghost of his naked, demented child-self pass through him as it ran the other way, out into a storm that had beat at him until he’d found Mairi. He stood inside and looked to the hearth where Mam had cooked so many delicious suppers. He ran his fingers over the patch of ground where her straw mattress had lain, and the one where his own little bed had been. The spot where the table had been, where he’d sat and told his mother that he’d been visited by his father. 

‘I’m here!’ he yelled up at the lowering clouds, heavy with the promise of a blizzard. ‘What do you want from me?’

‘What do I want?’ came an infuriatingly self-satisfied voice from outside. ‘The question is, what do you want, Son?’

Seth spun and faced his father. As usual, he was perfectly composed, not a hair out of place, his eyes an unnatural violet, his expression betraying no sense of shame or contrition. Seth shook with rage, his body replaying exactly the reaction he’d had when they last met face to face, when he was nine years old. ‘Let’s start with why you murdered my mother, and then tried to murder the woman I loved.’

Gabriel held up his hands. ‘I did neither of those things.’

‘You did both of those things!’ Seth roared. He stepped forwards and drove his fist into Gabriel’s face, knocking him into the snow. He didn’t look so composed now, with blood streaming from his nose and down his perfectly tailored blue overcoat. But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. He threw himself on top of Gabriel and drove his fist into his face again, and again, and again, until Gabriel caught his wrists and bucked him over so that their positions were reversed. The action sent a spike of agony through Seth’s bad shoulder and to his mortification a cry escaped him. His wings beat a frantic tattoo against his back, and he groaned. 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the movement of two figures on the approach. ‘Don’t!’ he screamed. The warning was to Aziraphale and Crowley, but his father thought it was meant for him.

Gabriel straddled him, pinning Seth’s wrists deep into the snow. His face was covered in blood, but he remained infuriatingly calm and wasn’t even out of breath. His eyes were dark.

A torrent of abuse followed as he writhed under Gabriel’s weight and superior strength. A tiny, still point deep inside him was shocked and angry at how quickly he had snapped. Gabriel said nothing while Seth fought as though he were possessed. Accusations and curses flew from him in a torrent that may or may not have been coherent, but he kept it up until he could go no longer and lay limp and trembling under his father’s hands. He was blinded by tears, and hated himself for it.

‘You fucking bastard,’ he finished, weakly. ‘Mam couldn’t fight you off, either.’

‘She didn’t try,’ said Gabriel, sounding genuinely horrified.

‘She did. You didn’t notice.’ Seth said, through clenched teeth.

Gabriel looked into his eyes His expression was a strange mixture of confused, shocked, and curious. 

‘It appears we need to talk,’ said Gabriel, recovering. ‘I for one would prefer to do it standing up. You?’

Seth nodded. Blood rushed back into his hands as Gabriel released his wrists and climbed off him. He stood and offered Seth a hand, which he ignored, preferring to slowly struggle back to his feet, feeling every one of the bruises he’d sustained in the past twenty four hours.

‘Before you attacked me in such a grossly human manner, I was about to give you something,’ said Gabriel. He made a gesture which instantly restored his face to unmarred and unbloodied perfection. He closed his hand, opened it, and there was the brass locket, lying on his palm. 

Seth seized it. ‘Why do you have this?’

‘I knew it was important to you.’

‘Did you kill those men in the car?’

After a barely perceptible hesitation, Gabriel said, ‘No.’

‘Could you have saved them?’

‘Yes. But I chose not to.’ Gabriel looked beyond Seth, to where Aziraphale and Crowley were walking slowly, cautiously, towards them. 

Gabriel looked from one to the other. ‘Thank you for saving my son and taking care of him,’ he said, as though it pained him. 

‘How did you…’ Aziraphale began.

‘A few days ago I received some intelligence that he was going to meet with a violent death,’ he hesitated, ‘or at least discorporation. In his case, I’m not sure what will happen when he dies, it might be permanent, or it might not. Anyway, I told Jegudiel to ask you two to intervene.’

‘Jegudiel didn’t mention that,’ said Crowley, darkly.

‘He was instructed not to.’ He looked at Seth. ‘There have been grave misunderstandings between us, and it’s time we dealt with them.’

‘What have I misunderstood?’ said Seth. ‘The part where you practically raped, then murdered my mother? The part where you beat me? Or the part where you tried to kill the woman I was to wed?’

Gabriel’s eyes blazed. ‘Stop saying that! I loved your mother! I wanted to give her something special to show her that, and to be a bridge between the human and the divine.’ He poked Seth in the chest. ‘You! She wanted to have sex with me. Her death was an accident. You were there. You saw. She was swinging a burning torch. Like you, she was out of her mind. I couldn’t reason with her. I…’ he faltered. ‘I gave her a small burst of power, just to stop her so I could make her see sense, but humans are so delicate. She couldn’t withstand it. Her heart gave out.’

‘Why didn’t you save her?’ Seth yelled. Energy coursed through his shoulders and down his spine. He wanted to hurt Gabriel again, but it would never be enough. It wouldn’t change what had happened.

‘By then you were coming for me.’

‘Are you saying this was all Seth’s fault?’ said Aziraphale, his voice low and dangerous. ‘Because you know that is the most despicable lie.’

‘Shut it, Aziraphale!’ snapped Gabriel. ‘You’re on thin ice as it is.’

‘That may be,’ said Aziraphale, levelly. ‘But I’m sure the Almighty would be most interested to know that one of Her archangels had relations with a human woman under dubious circumstances at best, sired a half-human child, mistreated him, and was directly responsible for the death of his mother. I’m sure that would give you something to chat about in your next performance review.’

Gabriel’s eyes flashed, but his tone was less confident than before. ‘Don’t you threaten me.’

‘Or what?’ said Crowley. The air around him crackled with potential. The snow beneath his feet melted into a wide and steaming puddle.

A flicker of something that might have been fear crossed Gabriel’s face. ‘Just watch it.’ 

‘You’re the one who’d better watch it,’ said Seth. ‘I’ve not spent as much time with the Almighty as you have, but I’m pretty sure…’ he glanced at Aziraphale, ‘He? She? They?’

‘Yes,’ said Aziraphale. ‘She, currently.’

‘I’m sure She knows who’s really doing Her work, versus those who simply ride Her coattails,’ said Seth. 

‘Now, wait a minute,’ said Gabriel, stiffening.

‘And yet, you didn’t save the woman you claim to have loved because you were afraid of an unarmed human child!’ said Seth. 

‘How many times do I have to say it?’ Gabriel shouted. ‘You’re not human!’

‘But you didn’t care because she’d already fulfilled her purpose as far as you were concerned!’ Seth barrelled on. ‘She’d already given you your son!’

‘No, I was afraid of losing you, and I saw that your mind was nearly broken. I wanted to explain to you what had happened, but at first I didn’t understand it either. You ran, and my priority was to take care of you!’

‘By trying to control my mind! By trying to wipe out my love for Mam so I would go with you, when you despised me!’

‘I was trying to take your emotions out of the equation so you could see sense. I didn’t know what else to do.’

His head was spinning. ‘And Mairi?’

‘Who?’

‘My wife!’ Seth roared, making them all jump. ‘Who wouldn’t have lived to be my wife if you’d had your way!’

‘What are you talking about?’ said Gabriel.

‘First you tried to frighten her away from me, telling her I used supernatural powers to seduce women, and when that didn’t work you tried to have her crushed beneath the wheels of a carriage!’

‘Actually, that was one of mine,’ drawled a nasal voice, behind them. ‘Just thought I’d try to speed things along for you, Gabriel.’

Aziraphale spun around. ‘Sandalphon.’

Crowley’s hand shot out and grabbed Aziraphale’s, twining their fingers together. 

Sandalphon’s disgusted gaze fell upon their clasped hands. ‘You’re a disgrace, Aziraphale; always have been.’

‘I believe we’ve established who the disgrace is,’ said Seth. ‘And my guess is, you’re not far behind.’

Crowley started forward, but Aziraphale tightened his grip on Crowley’s hand and hauled him back.

Sandalphon smiled. ‘That’s right. You don’t want to do that.’

Crowley winced sharply as Aziraphale’s grip tightened. ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘I could smash you and Gabriel in the face all night and it would never come close to being justice for what you tried to do to Aziraphale. He’s a million times the angel that you are. He’s spent six thousand years being kind, and compassionate, and good. Embodying all the heavenly virtues I’ve never known you to exhibit once. I dunno what your plan is, but I know for damn sure it’s not Hers. One of these days She’s going to pull you up on it, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere around when that happens. In the meantime, I’m going to thank Her for bringing Aziraphale and I together.’

Aziraphale pulled Crowley to him, cupped his face, and leaned in for a long, deep kiss. Crowley made a small, needy noise in the back of his throat.

Sandalphon winced. Gabriel was momentarily speechless.

‘Why didn’t you want Mairi and I to be together?’ said Seth. ‘What possible reason could either of you have for wanting her dead?’

Gabriel looked at Sandalphon, who shrugged, regaining his composure.

‘I was just trying to help.’

Gabriel looked furious. ‘You’ll answer for this.’ Sandalphon vanished, and Gabriel turned to Seth. ‘I didn’t think there was any point trying to reason with you, so I tried to warn her off.’

‘Why?’ said Seth. Everything was coming out at top volume now.

‘Because I saw what had happened to your mother and I, and to you; and I didn’t want you breeding with a mortal and having a child that would be even less of an angel than you are!’

Seth’s mouth fell open.

‘One who would hate you the way you hate me,’ Gabriel went on. ‘Who would suffer the way you’ve suffered. Who wouldn’t belong anywhere.’

‘Most of my suffering has come from you,’ said Seth, though it felt all the breath in his body had been taken away, and speaking was suddenly difficult. ‘In any case, it was never our intention to have children. Mairi was near past that time of life.’

‘I didn’t know,’ said Gabriel. ‘I was just trying to spare you pain.’

‘You said you gave me to Mam as a gift,’ said Seth. ‘But you never treated me like one. You never spoke kindly to me. You only ever tried to bully and beat me into doing what you wanted.’

‘Only because you were destined for so much more than that stinking hovel!’ Gabriel flung a hand in the direction of the ruined croft behind them. ‘However much she loved you, your mother could never have helped you achieve your divine potential. Only I could do that, and you resisted me at every turn. You still do!’

‘I loved her,’ he said, simply. He knew what that meant, and she had known it too. So had Mam. And his uncle, and Granny. ‘This was my home.’

‘I love you, Seth,’ said Gabriel. ‘I might not have shown it in the human way, but you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me. You’d have been dead twice over.’

‘What are you talking about?’ said Seth. 

‘Last night on the road,’ said Gabriel, ‘and when you were nine years old. When you fled to your uncle’s house and nearly died of pneumonia. It was the seventeen nineties! Do you think you would have survived without my intervention?’

‘Your intervention?’ said Seth.

‘You were unconscious. But I assure you, I saved your life then. I’ve always been looking out for you. I love you.’

‘Love?’ said Seth. ‘Mam showed me love. Mairi showed me love. Aziraphale and Crowley showed me love.’ He watched his father’s eyes slide to the angel and the demon. ‘But you, you keep saying you love me, but time and again you’ve proved you don’t know the meaning of the word! Have you ever put the needs of another, let alone, God forbid, a human being, before your own? Have you ever lent comfort or shown kindness to a human? Or do you just observe these fragile, contemptible beings from afar, content for them to remain incomprehensible and insignificant, other than as pawns to achieve your own ends?’

Gabriel threw up his hands. ‘There you go with humans again! On and on!’ He stepped forward and grabbed the front of Seth’s shirt. ‘You are me! You are so much more than,’ he gestured around and gave Seth a shake that pained his shoulder, ‘this! You’re an ungrateful little shit! It’s time to grow up!’

Suddenly Aziraphale stepped forward, forcing himself between father and son. He gave Gabriel a vicious shove backwards, the palms of his hands striking the archangel with an audible thump, sending him reeling back into the snow, where he lay clutching his chest and gasping for breath.

Aziraphale’s expression was terrifyingly blank and fathomless. ‘Don’t ever mistake love for weakness, Gabriel. Your son is a friend of mine now, and I will do whatever I have to, to protect him, and everyone I care about, from the likes of you and Michael and Sandalphon and Uriel. Come after us again, and I swear there is no power that will be swift enough, or strong enough to save you.’ 

Gabriel sat in the snow, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, but silent for once.

Seth concentrated, and though it was a bit harder here than it was on the ethereal plane, he concentrated. His wings manifested with the sonorous boom of sails unfurling. ‘You always wanted to see my wings,’ said Seth. ‘Well, here they are.’ One pure white wing extended over Aziraphale, the other over Crowley. 

Gabriel got to his feet and made an irritated gesture. His clothes were instantly clean, dry, and pressed. He gave a nod of something that might have approximated respect, or approval, or simply shock.

‘I’m giving you an assignment,’ said Seth, putting his wings away. ‘If you love me as you say you do, you must find out what it is to be human. To understand what you’ve done, and what I’ve done, and how it’s made me who I am. Then you’ll know who your son really is. And so will I.’ He looked at Aziraphale and Crowley. ‘And maybe my friends can help me understand you,’ he paused, ‘or at least, angels, better than I do now. I’ve never had anyone around to teach me, you know,’ he said, pointedly. ‘Until now.’ He smiled. ‘If you’d be willing.’ 

Aziraphale smiled, his usual warmth beginning to return. ‘Of course.’

‘I don’t have friends,’ Crowley muttered.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. ‘You do. What about that dear lady in the plant shop?’

Crowley pursed his lips, then smiled slightly. ‘Oh yeah.’

‘You asked what I want,’ said Seth, advancing slowly on Gabriel. ‘I want freedom. From you, and your threats to me and mine, and most especially your ‘love’. I’m still young. Maybe I’ll join you one day, when both of us have learned a thing or ten, or maybe I won’t. But you’ll never know if you don’t leave me,’ he looked over at Crowley and Aziraphale, ‘and them, alone. We all need the freedom to find our own way.’

‘All right,’ said Gabriel. ‘I’ll try.’

‘And to make it fair, I’ll give you another assignment. But this one I’ll do with you. Once you get to know humans a bit better, you’ll understand why compassion is so important, and how wonderful it is that we can use our power to help people. So you and I are going to start doing that. And we’ll meet now and again to discuss the good deeds we’ve done.’

‘I think that’s a splendid idea,’ said Aziraphale. ‘And eminently generous, all things considered. Wouldn’t you say, Gabriel?’

Gabriel nodded. ‘I would.’ 

He looked back to Seth. ‘What do humans do? Shake on it?’ He smiled slightly, but genuinely, and awkwardly extended a hand.

Seth reached out and clasped his father’s hand in something approximating peace.

Gabriel looked up the road, towards the tumbledown church. 

‘I was going there,’ said Seth.

‘Would you permit me to accompany you?’ said Gabriel.

The old resistance manifested instantly. He would work on it, but not today. ‘Perhaps not this time.’

Gabriel nodded. ‘Take care of yourself, son. I look forward to our next meeting.’

Seth nodded, and Gabriel vanished. ‘Disconcerting how he does that.’

‘Nicely done, Seth,’ said Aziraphale, slipping his hand into Crowley’s. ‘And thank you both for your defence. Quite unnecessary, but much appreciated.’ He smiled at Crowley. ‘I’ll find a way to thank you properly.’

Crowley leaned over and kissed him with a grin. ‘I know what you can do. Again.’

The tips of Aziraphale’s ears turned bright pink, and he looked immensely pleased and somewhat mortified. 

Seth smiled. ‘I don’t know what I can do to repay you both, but I’ll try. Maybe in time, I’ll be able to help smooth things over with you and Gabriel.’ He took the brass locket from his pocket and slipped the cord over his head, feeling the reassuring little weight settle against his breastbone where it belonged.

‘I wouldn’t hold your breath,’ said Aziraphale. ‘But whatever you can do would be lovely.’

They started up the road towards the Auld Kirk, and between the adrenaline crash and the cold, every injury Seth had sustained in the last day or so began fighting for his attention, and he was just so tired. He stopped walking. 

‘Are you all right?’ said Aziraphale.

A lump appeared in his throat, taking him by surprise. ‘Just tired. I want everything to stop hurting.’ He looked into Aziraphale’s eyes. ‘How do I do that?’

The angel smiled. ‘I’ve been waiting for you to ask. Close your eyes, and try to clear your mind for a moment. I know it’s not easy, but just try.’

Seth did. 

‘Now visualise a stream of warm, healing energy, or light, if you like, flowing in through the crown of your head, here,’ said Aziraphale, lightly touching the top of Seth’s head. ‘Let it flow down smoothly, through your head and neck, into your shoulders, and down your arms, all the way to your fingertips. Let it fill your back, your chest and stomach, and on down through your pelvis and the upper half of your legs. Let it flow down through your knees and lower legs, into your ankles and feet, to the tips of your toes. Rest in that space, enjoying the warmth and ease that the healing light brings.’

The pain was gone. All of it. Seth opened his eyes and rocked on his feet. Aziraphale caught hold of one of his arms, and Crowley the other.

‘Better?’ said Aziraphale.

Seth nodded, slightly dazed. ‘Yes. It’s gone.’ Cautiously, he rotated his left shoulder, then prodded around his eyes. ‘The pain’s all gone.’

Aziraphale smiled. ‘Well done.’ His gaze was penetrating. ‘You never deserved to suffer in the first place; you know that, don’t you?’

Throat tight, Seth nodded. ‘Neither did you two. Thank you for everything.’ 

Crowley was clearly rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses, but he smiled. ‘Come on.’ He threaded his fingers through Aziraphale’s. ‘Come on, angels.’

Seth grinned, warming at him words, and they headed up the road.


End file.
